There are no Human Beings in this world Who´s Life is not inhibited through money.
How we use money as a justification for accepting ourselves as unequal´s:
We justify “making more money” and gaining wealth through the belief that everyone has access to money and the opportunity to make money, when in fact each is subjected to the conditions they are born into. It is an infinite closed system of circular motion, where you can only gain more according to what you already have.
We accept ourselves as Separated parts less or more valuable than each other, and thus We use money through justification of Inequality in which every single person equally agrees to sustain the world as it is
Money as means to evade Death – That which we call Survival:
• Everyone wants to bargain with death – We believe we can buy ourselves to Life
• The whole idea is based on survival – the belief that with enough money we become immortal – that we can cheat and control Death.
• The ones that fear loosing the most, are willing to do whatever it takes, to sustain a level of survival that can maintain the illusion that we are not going to die, that everything is all right, that what ever is happening in the world, we will not be influenced or affiliated.
• Entertainment and Age-reduction is an example of a sophisticated way of surviving for the Elite in this world.
The greatest luxury in this world is the Illusion of freedom from consequence
• We have deluded ourselves to believe that we are beyond the consequences of our actions
• We trust that money creates freedom from karma, pain and suffering
• We justify ourselves within the illusion of comfort and safety, through the deliberate denial of who we are Here as All as One as Equal – that everything we do influence us all
The Excuses of not changing:
• “Me first – the rest later”.
• Ignorance is the only bliss there is
• “There is only so much I can do – I´m only Human”
• The belief that if each do a little bit to keep the Earth safe, we will be alright – not considering that the only solution lies in changing the way we exist all together
• We want the world to exist as it is, as long as we can still be Here and lead comfortable life´s – never mind that to do that, the rest of the world has to suffer and starve.
• “We’re already screwed, so why bother?”
• “Each is responsible for himself”, yet we do not consider that we are also responsible for creating conditions where not everyone are in a position to take responsibility
• The belief that money makes the world goes round – if you can’t beat them, join them.
• The belief that free will exists when free will is determined by how much money you have
Why this doesn’t work:
Money does not free you from being a slave of your fear.
You will die eventually no matter how much money you get or spend.
Even the richest people on Earth die alone.
Money as comfort in this perspective has become our prison of “personal safety”. The dark side of comfort (gained through ignorant exploitation of others) is annihilation, paranoia, guilt and depression – because we know we are living a lie.
All share the illusion that Money = Happiness. So when you have money and you’re not happy; you have a problem.
We refuse to see that our comfort and abundance is on the expense of someone else’s suffering
Those of us who have the most money and the highest standards of living are also those who are most responsible for the destruction of Earth.
The more you Consume the more Shit happens. Consumption = Pollution. Wealth = Waste of Life
The biggest secret we all have agreed to keep – is that we are doing this to ourselves
There is no Suffering or Abuse on Earth that is not influenced or Directly caused by our justification through money for existing in inequality.
There is no escaping the consequences of how we live. There is just One Earth - there is nothing more, nothing less. All we need is already here.
If we only have 100% between us that is unchangeable, as we for example only have One Earth to share, with a specific amount of resources available, it is clear that the people with the highest standard of living, as the ones spending the most energy are the most Responsible for example in terms of climate change based on Human influences, but also because those are the ones with most power in terms of money and knowledge and therefore the ones that actually can make the change.
Because we Exists as a whole - If One suffers, All Suffer
Equality is a fact of Life– One Earth – One World – One Life
By: Anna & Linda
Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9aZFCbSUE0
søndag den 22. november 2009
Unpredictable Innocence
Fear of myself in and as Innocence as nature as undefined/unpredictable/uncontrollable
How this has manifested within beliefs/ideas and definitions of myself:
Diminishing myself deliberately to avoid facing myself as “the monster” of this world – Realizing that I have not forgiven myself for what I/we have done.
Accepting myself as inferior – as a “safe” place (moral behavior : “Be nice”)
Hiding myself as Superior – as a “dangerous” place (moral behavior: “Do not get angry”)
The point of conflict:
Standing deliberately within and as “power” would mean that I have to face myself as all that have been done deliberately with “power” and give up my experience of myself as “powerless” in which I can remain “a victim” instead of a villain
Expecting myself to be “a monster” of Self-Interest and Denial - Suppression
Creating the “agreeable” “non-conflicting” persona to contain and hide from myself as the definition of “the monster”.
Not allowed to be angry, powerful, Directive – This causes exclusion and Shame of who I am – Controlling Self-Expression
How I have never really faced myself as anger – created a polarity of “monster/victim” – “power/powerless”
Accepting myself as victim and powerless in and as a Self-Deception of not being willing to face myself within myself as “monster” and “power” – Not forgiving and letting go.
Trying to prevent being “a monster” instead of Realizing that I already am – and forgive and let go within walking the actual Change
How I am showing me to me in my actual experiences:
Working with a horse -
I have had the experience of fear of Tyson and when looking into it, I see a point of fearing (experiencing myself as inferior) to his innocence as nature as defined as unpredictable/uncontrollable in which I fear a point of “violence” manifested as thoughts within fear that he will bite me.
So what I am showing myself with this, is that I fear myself as Innocence as nature as being unpredictable and uncontrollable and that I have manifested a fear of myself as “violent” within that.
“violence” as deliberately causing harm – a uncontrolled expression of my “nature” which I “have to” Suppress, contain and control to prevent myself from expressing myself “violently”. That I “have to” be predictable to myself, which means monitoring and censoring myself in every moment – applying and placing myself accordingly as “predictable”
What is interesting within this is for one the point of this being connected to “violence” that I some how have related to “innocence” and “innocence” as being “unpredictable” and “uncontrollable”
Why is that?
It is because an Innocent Expression is without thought – without motives or strategies – and specifically without “morality”
Another point is that I within submitting myself to and existing from and within this belief actually allow myself to do what I fear – being “violent” or harmful.
Because of the Suppression I do not actually see myself and it is thus not a point of actual Self-Control within and as Self-Direction but a “control” through Suppression which will inevitably create a pressure and thus the risk of “explosion” or “combustion”
What I see is that I have a belief that I as Innocent Self-Expression is “violent”/”dangerous” specifically experienced through being “unpredictable” and “uncontrolled”.
Based on experiences as a child that I have defined and conditioned myself according to:
I have looked at this before, with regards to my experience as a child where I experienced that I mother feared me if I expressed anger and rage. She would start Crying for example and I would fear myself as well as feeling ashamed of myself but also within an experience of and as “powerlessness” from experiencing that she was manipulating and controlling me through this “vulnerability”.
In my experience, my mother has always been afraid of me. I have always been afraid of me.
Of what I was capable of doing. Of not having any moral boundaries and therefore being “unpredictable” and “uncontrollable”
These moments of anger and rage that I am talking about is not the “fits” that Children have but moments where I would simply “explode” in anger: It is interesting because in this moment, I cannot recall a specific episode where this happened. I do remember my mother saying “Don´t do this to me” – “You are hurting me” – “I don´t like this” – “stop I don’t want to hear it” – “you are scaring me”.
I remember it as being in situations where I confronted her about something. I remember this experience of standing Stable within myself, within the anger, expressing exactly and clearly what I wanted to say but then when she reacted and started crying and being afraid, I would either get even more angry, feeling desperate or simply start fearing/hating/judging myself extensively for “doing this to her” – yet it was a point of conflict within me, because I had expressed myself Self-Honestly.
A memory pops up -. I was around three or four and I had hidden in a closet. I called my mother as a joke and said that I was injured. She came storming and when she found out that I was not injured, she said; “Don´t do that again – you are scaring me”. I remember experiencing this conflict because I actually found it stupid that she got scared and at the same time, I was shocked and ashamed.
It has always been this experience that I could destroy my mother if I wanted to – that I could break her and fearing myself within that.
So it is Innocence as Expression of me Here – that I through these experiences within which I identified with my mothers reaction have Separated myself from myself.
Manifested beliefs:
“I am not allowed to get angry”
“I am an evil person”
“I hurt people”
“I am dangerous”
“I am too much”
“I have to control and Suppress myself to not hurt other people”.
This has also manifested in the opposite where I will experience fear and resistance if others are expressing anger.
I have designed/programmed myself to be predictable and calculating and strategic within applying morality and “respect” towards others because I believe myself to be “immoral”
The bigger picture:
What I have not seen within this is that everyone is immoral – and that the morality we apply is a tool for control and suppression so that we do not face ourselves as who we really are – first of all within the very nature of what we have done and become within the Human not-kind as being deliberately violent and harmful – thus applying “morality” to subdue and suppress that – as well as denying ourselves as Innocence – so that which in fact is Innocent becomes “dangerous” and “unpredictable” because within that –lies the truth about who we really are. Natural sexual Expression becomes “dirty” and is only acceptable under the covers – where we then let our Suppressions out in a now twisted and nasty manner – because of this belief.
We conquer the wild beasts and cage them in “beautiful morally justifiable” settings – where we can look at wild nature from a distance – where in we have power over them to prove our own control towards nature – that is actually who we are.
We do the same to ourselves. Confine ourselves in cages and boxes that we call homes and jobs and busses and relationships and religions where we sit and look at each other, at nature from a distance in a box – neatly placed so that we do not actually get dirty and smell the shit.
And so we create polarities with “good and evil” - with “heroes and villains” – “saints and sinners” with which we entertain ourselves to remain confined.
We only focus on what is good – because we do not want to face what is bad.
This is why we often see priests and supposedly “good moral citizens” commit the most nasty and devious crimes’
Self-Support:
What has really assisted me with this was this dream I had recently where I was Standing with Bernard and some other people. There was a woman who was “not real” – she was made up from spare-parts of stuff and I specifically remember her eyes was made of threads of vinyl that made her look like she had liquorish-eyes. She was abusing herself and others because she wanted to be real. I Directed her within an expression of anger as certainty as I realized that she was not able to help herself. I started pushing her to provoke her to get out of her “made-up-body” by saying exactly what she feared; “you´re not real” – “you will never be real” and stuff like that. I kept shouting and shouting until she in one Moment took a deep Breath, like she finally made the decision. I stood stable in front of her, prepared that she would “leave the body”. Right when she came out of the body, Bernard stepped in front of me and took her in his body and released her.
What I experienced in this dream was a Directive anger that was similar to when I was a child, where you simply do what is necessary to be done to Assist and Support, where sometimes what is needed is to express “anger” or “certainty”.
What I have found is that when I do the opposite and control, suppress and contain myself with a specific definition within a “moral-codex” is actually when I am causing harm, also because it creates the polarity-point of being secret and hiding what I actually experience and thus not Directing myself from a point of certainty – that I will do what is necessary to be done, whatever it takes in the Moment - allowing myself to be unpredictable - not holding back.
How this has manifested within beliefs/ideas and definitions of myself:
Diminishing myself deliberately to avoid facing myself as “the monster” of this world – Realizing that I have not forgiven myself for what I/we have done.
Accepting myself as inferior – as a “safe” place (moral behavior : “Be nice”)
Hiding myself as Superior – as a “dangerous” place (moral behavior: “Do not get angry”)
The point of conflict:
Standing deliberately within and as “power” would mean that I have to face myself as all that have been done deliberately with “power” and give up my experience of myself as “powerless” in which I can remain “a victim” instead of a villain
Expecting myself to be “a monster” of Self-Interest and Denial - Suppression
Creating the “agreeable” “non-conflicting” persona to contain and hide from myself as the definition of “the monster”.
Not allowed to be angry, powerful, Directive – This causes exclusion and Shame of who I am – Controlling Self-Expression
How I have never really faced myself as anger – created a polarity of “monster/victim” – “power/powerless”
Accepting myself as victim and powerless in and as a Self-Deception of not being willing to face myself within myself as “monster” and “power” – Not forgiving and letting go.
Trying to prevent being “a monster” instead of Realizing that I already am – and forgive and let go within walking the actual Change
How I am showing me to me in my actual experiences:
Working with a horse -
I have had the experience of fear of Tyson and when looking into it, I see a point of fearing (experiencing myself as inferior) to his innocence as nature as defined as unpredictable/uncontrollable in which I fear a point of “violence” manifested as thoughts within fear that he will bite me.
So what I am showing myself with this, is that I fear myself as Innocence as nature as being unpredictable and uncontrollable and that I have manifested a fear of myself as “violent” within that.
“violence” as deliberately causing harm – a uncontrolled expression of my “nature” which I “have to” Suppress, contain and control to prevent myself from expressing myself “violently”. That I “have to” be predictable to myself, which means monitoring and censoring myself in every moment – applying and placing myself accordingly as “predictable”
What is interesting within this is for one the point of this being connected to “violence” that I some how have related to “innocence” and “innocence” as being “unpredictable” and “uncontrollable”
Why is that?
It is because an Innocent Expression is without thought – without motives or strategies – and specifically without “morality”
Another point is that I within submitting myself to and existing from and within this belief actually allow myself to do what I fear – being “violent” or harmful.
Because of the Suppression I do not actually see myself and it is thus not a point of actual Self-Control within and as Self-Direction but a “control” through Suppression which will inevitably create a pressure and thus the risk of “explosion” or “combustion”
What I see is that I have a belief that I as Innocent Self-Expression is “violent”/”dangerous” specifically experienced through being “unpredictable” and “uncontrolled”.
Based on experiences as a child that I have defined and conditioned myself according to:
I have looked at this before, with regards to my experience as a child where I experienced that I mother feared me if I expressed anger and rage. She would start Crying for example and I would fear myself as well as feeling ashamed of myself but also within an experience of and as “powerlessness” from experiencing that she was manipulating and controlling me through this “vulnerability”.
In my experience, my mother has always been afraid of me. I have always been afraid of me.
Of what I was capable of doing. Of not having any moral boundaries and therefore being “unpredictable” and “uncontrollable”
These moments of anger and rage that I am talking about is not the “fits” that Children have but moments where I would simply “explode” in anger: It is interesting because in this moment, I cannot recall a specific episode where this happened. I do remember my mother saying “Don´t do this to me” – “You are hurting me” – “I don´t like this” – “stop I don’t want to hear it” – “you are scaring me”.
I remember it as being in situations where I confronted her about something. I remember this experience of standing Stable within myself, within the anger, expressing exactly and clearly what I wanted to say but then when she reacted and started crying and being afraid, I would either get even more angry, feeling desperate or simply start fearing/hating/judging myself extensively for “doing this to her” – yet it was a point of conflict within me, because I had expressed myself Self-Honestly.
A memory pops up -. I was around three or four and I had hidden in a closet. I called my mother as a joke and said that I was injured. She came storming and when she found out that I was not injured, she said; “Don´t do that again – you are scaring me”. I remember experiencing this conflict because I actually found it stupid that she got scared and at the same time, I was shocked and ashamed.
It has always been this experience that I could destroy my mother if I wanted to – that I could break her and fearing myself within that.
So it is Innocence as Expression of me Here – that I through these experiences within which I identified with my mothers reaction have Separated myself from myself.
Manifested beliefs:
“I am not allowed to get angry”
“I am an evil person”
“I hurt people”
“I am dangerous”
“I am too much”
“I have to control and Suppress myself to not hurt other people”.
This has also manifested in the opposite where I will experience fear and resistance if others are expressing anger.
I have designed/programmed myself to be predictable and calculating and strategic within applying morality and “respect” towards others because I believe myself to be “immoral”
The bigger picture:
What I have not seen within this is that everyone is immoral – and that the morality we apply is a tool for control and suppression so that we do not face ourselves as who we really are – first of all within the very nature of what we have done and become within the Human not-kind as being deliberately violent and harmful – thus applying “morality” to subdue and suppress that – as well as denying ourselves as Innocence – so that which in fact is Innocent becomes “dangerous” and “unpredictable” because within that –lies the truth about who we really are. Natural sexual Expression becomes “dirty” and is only acceptable under the covers – where we then let our Suppressions out in a now twisted and nasty manner – because of this belief.
We conquer the wild beasts and cage them in “beautiful morally justifiable” settings – where we can look at wild nature from a distance – where in we have power over them to prove our own control towards nature – that is actually who we are.
We do the same to ourselves. Confine ourselves in cages and boxes that we call homes and jobs and busses and relationships and religions where we sit and look at each other, at nature from a distance in a box – neatly placed so that we do not actually get dirty and smell the shit.
And so we create polarities with “good and evil” - with “heroes and villains” – “saints and sinners” with which we entertain ourselves to remain confined.
We only focus on what is good – because we do not want to face what is bad.
This is why we often see priests and supposedly “good moral citizens” commit the most nasty and devious crimes’
Self-Support:
What has really assisted me with this was this dream I had recently where I was Standing with Bernard and some other people. There was a woman who was “not real” – she was made up from spare-parts of stuff and I specifically remember her eyes was made of threads of vinyl that made her look like she had liquorish-eyes. She was abusing herself and others because she wanted to be real. I Directed her within an expression of anger as certainty as I realized that she was not able to help herself. I started pushing her to provoke her to get out of her “made-up-body” by saying exactly what she feared; “you´re not real” – “you will never be real” and stuff like that. I kept shouting and shouting until she in one Moment took a deep Breath, like she finally made the decision. I stood stable in front of her, prepared that she would “leave the body”. Right when she came out of the body, Bernard stepped in front of me and took her in his body and released her.
What I experienced in this dream was a Directive anger that was similar to when I was a child, where you simply do what is necessary to be done to Assist and Support, where sometimes what is needed is to express “anger” or “certainty”.
What I have found is that when I do the opposite and control, suppress and contain myself with a specific definition within a “moral-codex” is actually when I am causing harm, also because it creates the polarity-point of being secret and hiding what I actually experience and thus not Directing myself from a point of certainty – that I will do what is necessary to be done, whatever it takes in the Moment - allowing myself to be unpredictable - not holding back.
tirsdag den 24. marts 2009
I can run but I cannot hide
Todays been a little tough. I gave into being in bad mood and it has followed me the whole day like a black cloud. It was a little thing that set it off, and I was actually surprised to be captured by this bad mood, which made me realize that I have been more stable for some time now. On other days I would be able to forgive myself and walk thorough it, but not today. It is like I am reaching the end of some limit, and it sort of feels like I am about to explode/implode. Besides from the little things that annoyed me thorugh the day, or corret that one, that I allowed to get annoyed by during the day, it is the whole issue of "my" life that is eating at me at the moment. I feel like I have reduced myself to a shell, a character that I do so not want to be, and I am tired of running around after myself trying to catch my own tail. I am running out of places to hide and it is a very uncomfortable feeling. I have being doing a lot of reading and watching TV lately, but not even that, can drive me away from myself. I am begining to realize that I am not who I thought I was, and frankly, I do´nt like what I see. I also feel cornered like a tiger and begin to feel a twitch of aggresion towards that. So much has come up that I am having difficulties in facing. Yet, I do it, but only partly. I do´nt commit fully to it, which frustrates the hell out of me. See I have spend my life rebelling and trying to move as far from certain behaviors as I possibly could, and end up facing myself exactly that that. I litteraly thought that by being against the system, I could change it. That by moving myself away from all I defined as my personality, I would escape it. That by accepting all and everything in this world, I would make a difference. And the truth is that I have been hiding, that I have been shit scared of being jugded by the system, being forced, being trapped to the point where I unconsiously jugded, forced and trapped myself. There is no "my" life left. I have alienated myself from nature, and is actually feeling so embarresed by that, that I do not even walk in nature, at least trying to connect. It is the same with my physical body; I have been protesting about body images for so long, to suppress my own insecurities about my body and fearing facing my own issues about looks. I feel ashamed of that. I know forgiveness is the way for me, yet when I hit theese subjects, it is like there is wall in front of me. I am afraid of being silent, being empty so I stuff myself with thoughts, food, TV and stuff like that, until I cant stand myself anymore. I am angry at myself and I feel sorry for myself at the same time. I feel like a failure to my own standards and I am angry at myself for having theese standards in the first place. I am as controlling to myself as the system I have been hating all my life. But I am HERE with me, and I am letting i all out. That is all I can do at the moment.
There is no hope, there is no light, there is no peace, there is no fight. It is all shadows on a long broken wall. Will I walk, or will I fall?Stand up, I say, Stand up and see, that all there is, was always me.Never evil, never good, but forgotten, misunderstood. Here I am, alone at last, no ups, no downs, not slow, not fastIn lies is where I hide myself, I breath is where I find myself.
There is no hope, there is no light, there is no peace, there is no fight. It is all shadows on a long broken wall. Will I walk, or will I fall?Stand up, I say, Stand up and see, that all there is, was always me.Never evil, never good, but forgotten, misunderstood. Here I am, alone at last, no ups, no downs, not slow, not fastIn lies is where I hide myself, I breath is where I find myself.
torsdag den 12. marts 2009
The name of my game
Ok so this is where I am writing from right now: A sense that it is time to let go. That something inside of me is saying goodbye, is feeling sorrow over giving itself up, over realizing that it was not real. What am I speaking about specifically? Love Sex Relationships And I thought that I was concerned with the needs of the world, with accension, with higher levels and plans. No I am not. My mind works from here, from a place where being human is about be together or TWO GATHER I am finally in a place where I am starting to feel familiar with being in my own skin My inside is telling me right now: "It is time to let go". Very gently, it is speaking to me. It is me speaking to me. "you can let go now" What I must let go is all the preprogrammed ideas Ive had about myself, about life and existence in general. I have realized that this is never going to end, the journey is eternal right here. And yet, there is something that has got to go. My eating and watchinh TV are just plain symptoms, not the hardest to let go of. It is being with other people, being seen as ME by other people, that I must let go of. It is being my mothers sweethart on one hand. Her priestess on another, and the devil of her secret thoughts in a hidden thirth. It is being seen as a woman, a capable intelligent woman, in her productive age. I guess you could apply words of your own, where ever you find yourself in this existence. In the program, in the mother matrix. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to withdraw from myself, to fit into the world, to be a part of the system I forgive myself for having allowed and accepted myself to desperately wanting to be part of the system, of the marriage and kids system, of the smart and sexy system, of the beauty and fame system, of the image system I forgive myself for having allowed and accepted myself to believe that I would sieze to exist if I did not create a strong and interesting personality I forgive myself for allowing and acccepting myself to compromise all truth in me, to fit into the system I forgive myself for having allowed and accepted myself to beat myself with thoughts of being wrong, gulity, arrogant, too much and ugly I forgive myself! I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to be honest with other people out of fear of being seen as arrogant I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to be free inside my body, let it move, play, sing, dance, act out of fear of being seen as arrogant by other people I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to be who I am, out of fear of stepping over others boundaries. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself as a way to let others come through, so that I would not come of as egotistical Goodbye guild! Goodbye sorrow! You are welcome and I shall forgive you as you are in me as me, I you choose to stay for the right. I am stopping myself here, right HERE.
onsdag den 25. februar 2009
I thank myself
I thank myself for not allowing and accepting myself to turn on the TV early in the morning like I normally do
I thank myself for allowing and accepting myself to stop my thoughts, using the very simple tool of approaching it as a computer; STOP - DELETE.
I thank myself for allowing and accepting myself to forgive myself for all I have done
I thank myself for allowing and accepting myself to use the sentence "I am the sweetness of life, as life as me" whenever I eat candy, which has actually caused me not wanting candy as much
I thank myself for allowing and accepting myself to stand up towards my mother, when I feel she is trying to manipulate me with guild
I thank myself for not allowing and accepting myself to smoke cannabis
I thank myself for allowing and accepting myself to be more dedicated towards being honest and forgiving myself than ever
I thank myself for allowing and accepting myself to trust myself as the mind
I thank myself for allowing and accepting myself to express myself in writing and in public
I thank myself for allowing and accepting myself to stop the judgments I have towards others and myself
I thank myself for allowing and accepting myself to be able to jump fully into the process
I thank myself for allowing and accepting myself to work as hard as I do
I thank myself for not allowing and accepting myself to settle with love and light, when so many is still hurting
I thank myself for not allowing and accepting myself to keep lying to myself
I thank you for being here with me, as you, as me, as ALL.
I thank myself for allowing and accepting myself to stop my thoughts, using the very simple tool of approaching it as a computer; STOP - DELETE.
I thank myself for allowing and accepting myself to forgive myself for all I have done
I thank myself for allowing and accepting myself to use the sentence "I am the sweetness of life, as life as me" whenever I eat candy, which has actually caused me not wanting candy as much
I thank myself for allowing and accepting myself to stand up towards my mother, when I feel she is trying to manipulate me with guild
I thank myself for not allowing and accepting myself to smoke cannabis
I thank myself for allowing and accepting myself to be more dedicated towards being honest and forgiving myself than ever
I thank myself for allowing and accepting myself to trust myself as the mind
I thank myself for allowing and accepting myself to express myself in writing and in public
I thank myself for allowing and accepting myself to stop the judgments I have towards others and myself
I thank myself for allowing and accepting myself to be able to jump fully into the process
I thank myself for allowing and accepting myself to work as hard as I do
I thank myself for not allowing and accepting myself to settle with love and light, when so many is still hurting
I thank myself for not allowing and accepting myself to keep lying to myself
I thank you for being here with me, as you, as me, as ALL.
mandag den 23. februar 2009
Mercy - ME - I - SEE
OK, so here I am with a lot of regret and shame on my shoulders once again. One thing that I am ashamed about is the way I sound when posting some blogs. I see myself having a cocky, almost arrogant way of presenting myself. It boils down to a desire for being special, being famous and so forth. But I also see, that on the other side of that specific polar river, is the exact opposite manifesting within me. The fear of being stuipid, unworthy, not existing and so forth.
What I wish to do now, is to let these two sides of me come together and speak the truth. The solution as I see it right now lies in the grace of mercy. I have as long as I can remember not given mercy much thought as I often wiewed it as being linked to pety and being a martyr. I see now that mercy is the gift I give myself within forgiving myself. In Danish we have two words for it. The one meaning heartfulness where you have mercy with some one out of the goodness in your hear. This would entail that the being giving the mercy is higher or more rightous than the other. There for in separation. The other is more connected to being redemed from your sins or something like that. Either way I deside to take on a whole new interpretation: Mercy: ME - I - SEE
That mercy towards myself is now to see myself and what I allow and accept in honesty and without judgement or regret, hence the mercy.
What I wish to do now, is to let these two sides of me come together and speak the truth. The solution as I see it right now lies in the grace of mercy. I have as long as I can remember not given mercy much thought as I often wiewed it as being linked to pety and being a martyr. I see now that mercy is the gift I give myself within forgiving myself. In Danish we have two words for it. The one meaning heartfulness where you have mercy with some one out of the goodness in your hear. This would entail that the being giving the mercy is higher or more rightous than the other. There for in separation. The other is more connected to being redemed from your sins or something like that. Either way I deside to take on a whole new interpretation: Mercy: ME - I - SEE
That mercy towards myself is now to see myself and what I allow and accept in honesty and without judgement or regret, hence the mercy.
søndag den 22. februar 2009
Something is rotten in the state of Denmark
For as long as I can remember, I knew that there was something wrong in this world. When I look back, already as child it felt like the world was unreal. But at the same time, I did not know any other way, and thus my biggest desire was to fit in and actually be a part of the systems. I was kind of a psychic already as a child, always knowing what people were feeling and thinking. It was very confusing because most people are not honest and as I later discovered; Not even with them selves! This caused me to not trusting myself, due to many occasions where people let me to believe that I was the one lying. It also made me very afraid of the world, always with the weird feeling that I have been here before, I have done this a million times. Later I began searching for myself through spirituality, finding that I was "special" which probably set me back a few million years. I remembered past lives, or at least thought I did.
Last year, I felt like I lost my soul one day. I cannot explain it any other way. I did not have personified Gods or guides talking to me or anything like that. But I have been following some kind of path of karma or what ever you want to call it. One day, it was like my soul was gone. The karma, and all I had build up about myself was gone! I was no longer special, in fact I had no idea at all, what or who I was. Which I actually still do not. I am just HERE. There is no history or past lives or even the heavenly ever after to rely on.
When I think back, there was always this sense of knowing everything to the bone. I could actually smell in situations that I had been there before. Often I could log on to a certain system, and know exactly how to behave, or know what would happen. Suddenly, all that was gone. All that was left, were me! Sorry old me, with all my restrictions, and ideas about myself. From that point, I felt like I was sole creator of my reality where as before it was as was merely following a system or a manuscript that had already played out. You would think, that that could have been a wonderful feeling. No, it was horrible. Because all of the sudden, things started to happen that I could not explain or justify, cause I knew it was only being created by myself. And often it seemed, for no reason at all!
So now I sit here, tired of being in existence , tired of not standing up as life, tired of being afraid of my own judgment towards myself. The more I dive into this process, and now with bigger determination that ever, the more all the magic to existence goes a way. It is sad, because that is one of the things I enjoyed most about life.
The more I reveal, the more I face JUST ME. And this is all that I have accepted and allowed in this life. No other life, no future life, just this one right here.
And it is saddening me to go back and see just how much I have allowed and accepted.
The crazy thing is, and this I have a hard time figuring out; That I allowed and accepted most of it, not because I believed in it, but because I desperately desired to be part of the group, of the systems I guess. So I just played along, knowing deep inside and sometimes even conscientiously that I was lying to myself. And I still do. I must stop.
I know I still have issues about being better - worse, smaller - bigger, special - non-existing and I am working with all of those, all the time.
I am HERE, I am.
I am so sorry for the pain I caused in other people through not being honest with them or with my self. I am so sorry for the pain I caused in myself for not standing up in honesty.
I am so sorry that I have played a long, keeping the system intact, when I knew that something was wrong.
I forgive myself for not allowing myself to stand up, when I know that I am participating or acting out of fear or dishonesty
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself for believing that I am special or better than anyone else
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am special or better than anyone else
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I do not exist and that I am dangerous or bad
Last year, I felt like I lost my soul one day. I cannot explain it any other way. I did not have personified Gods or guides talking to me or anything like that. But I have been following some kind of path of karma or what ever you want to call it. One day, it was like my soul was gone. The karma, and all I had build up about myself was gone! I was no longer special, in fact I had no idea at all, what or who I was. Which I actually still do not. I am just HERE. There is no history or past lives or even the heavenly ever after to rely on.
When I think back, there was always this sense of knowing everything to the bone. I could actually smell in situations that I had been there before. Often I could log on to a certain system, and know exactly how to behave, or know what would happen. Suddenly, all that was gone. All that was left, were me! Sorry old me, with all my restrictions, and ideas about myself. From that point, I felt like I was sole creator of my reality where as before it was as was merely following a system or a manuscript that had already played out. You would think, that that could have been a wonderful feeling. No, it was horrible. Because all of the sudden, things started to happen that I could not explain or justify, cause I knew it was only being created by myself. And often it seemed, for no reason at all!
So now I sit here, tired of being in existence , tired of not standing up as life, tired of being afraid of my own judgment towards myself. The more I dive into this process, and now with bigger determination that ever, the more all the magic to existence goes a way. It is sad, because that is one of the things I enjoyed most about life.
The more I reveal, the more I face JUST ME. And this is all that I have accepted and allowed in this life. No other life, no future life, just this one right here.
And it is saddening me to go back and see just how much I have allowed and accepted.
The crazy thing is, and this I have a hard time figuring out; That I allowed and accepted most of it, not because I believed in it, but because I desperately desired to be part of the group, of the systems I guess. So I just played along, knowing deep inside and sometimes even conscientiously that I was lying to myself. And I still do. I must stop.
I know I still have issues about being better - worse, smaller - bigger, special - non-existing and I am working with all of those, all the time.
I am HERE, I am.
I am so sorry for the pain I caused in other people through not being honest with them or with my self. I am so sorry for the pain I caused in myself for not standing up in honesty.
I am so sorry that I have played a long, keeping the system intact, when I knew that something was wrong.
I forgive myself for not allowing myself to stand up, when I know that I am participating or acting out of fear or dishonesty
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself for believing that I am special or better than anyone else
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am special or better than anyone else
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I do not exist and that I am dangerous or bad
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